Update after a year

I am still an emotional wreck.

Aliyah is more beautiful than ever.
She hugs me. Cuddles with me ALOT.

I cannot believe that epilepsy is still ruining her life. Taking her childhood away.

Sometimes I picture her talking to me like a regular 3 year old.
telling me about her days.
Telling me how much she loves me.

But man ahhhh am I ever going to get that from her.
I do not want her to be "special" I want her to be normal. I know I am asking too much right now but I can't help but to ask.

I always wonder what is she thinking. how much does she understand.

I still envy other parents and their "normal child" especially when they have a daughter. I will overcome this someday but today I am angry, less angry then yesterday.

I love watching Dance moms and toddlers and tiaras and pretend Aliyah is one of them. I know how pathetic but its my dream my little girl would be like those little girls someday, but little by little I am learning how to let go of that dream and keep my head held high to see her life will most likely never be that way.

I hate what my daughter is going through.WHY!?!
I remember people talking about selling their soul to the devil (isnt that what some people do when they feel they have no one to go to?) I think I would in a heartbeat, in return to have Aliyah's normal perfect life .. a seizure-free life.... I have always pictured her to have. But some how I have enough faith to not fall into that mental note and pray Aliyah's life will get better.